Letters to a Lover.

20 June 2020

Dear heart.

Filed under: Uncategorised — ejpengelly @ 10:13 am

Hell to you Joseph,

Well, here I sit at your table looking at your view with the breeze of the world sighing thru the doors. I called in late Friday and girl had packed up and gone so I just stayed. Been very much “out there” this week, massaging, mowing lawns, gathering fruit with Aunty Bunny, seeing dentist, so it was really great to get here and simply stop. You and your wild garden, where life is left to breath, does this to me. OOOOhhhh!!, The turkeys just wandered back, plum fest!! They might as well have the few on the ground, right thou.  I’ve told mummy very sternly ‘not allowed’ in the veggie garden. I’ve had to move and sit on the steps to keep an eye on then now, Mum’s watching me watching her. In native American tradition Turkey is related to the ” abiding recognition of sacrifice” the qualities of virtuosity (wow) helping and sustaining, doing for others, giving and sharing. They call it the Give-away Eagle. I suppose that’s the difference between what you will give or sacrifice for a certain thing and what you will give or sacrifice for nothing, thou in the end ( or part way, thru) something is never for nothing. Anyway they( the turkeys) have moved off, now well, Pukeko has come strutting out and has a lot to say to Turkey who’s come scuttling back into the garden with babies in tow. Now I will have to get up and chase them away. Whew!!

I just happened to have the video machine in the car of Friday so I went down an got a video to watch Karama Sutra!!, new one just out. so, I’m on this very sensual buzz at the moment, with you in mind of course my precious beloved. The most wonderful thing about it was the sumptuous silks and chiffons, of course the few sex scenes where delicately done, mostly it was an okay story with okay stuff happening with a few hidden treasures. The woman who taught the art of Karma Sutra, well now, she was luminous. Anyway, I went looking at sumptuous silks and chiffons in the material shop yesterday I reckon I need some, for you to unwrap me out of, and I reckon your  bedroom ceiling needs some too. Just breath deep darlin, and make sure to catch me as I fall into your arms, soon.

The cat’s are pleased to see me, thou fat cat keeps looking at me side ways when ever I pay Spot attention, especially when I watch over her feeding time so he doesn’t get all the kai (food). He’s just as happy to be back inside on his throne!! I rang Tash and Wayne ( pretty boy) last night. she’s going to take me to the hospital Thursday  and bring me home, a good positive buddy to have around thru times like that, I’m still feeling apprehensive and paranoid even like I have to be watching my back when I get there. Weird! All in my head really, physically I feel better then good, heavier maybe and I did weight myself along the way oh boy! Say no more about that. Oh yes!! Wayne came over picked me up and took us off to a ‘Friends Bar’ to listen to some J and B’s. Saw the Jews Bro’s, they were rather strange, sometimes, widely funny and intoxicatingly wonderful at other times. Great line up of musicians. Female singer did some great Edith Pia (type) songs. But you’ve seen it all before, yes. And I do rave on, godly. We came back here and had a big midnight feed of peach pie, and talked about the universe. I hope you don’t mind but I let Wayne stay in the spare room and boy did e sleep!! It’s the effect of your place on people. He was so relaxed ( after he finally gotten up) that he sat and talked on and on for a couple of hours. Just verbally bouncing around ideas and figuring out his life, dear soul1 Maybe that was my Turkey ting for the day! Virtuously listening.

I was hummin’ and harrin’ about picking up the girl today and taking her with me tomorrow to Whangaruru, but as it was I didn’t drop her with her dad till Thursday, best leave her there I think. Come back Tuesday to pick Hannah up and get her ready for school on Wednesday. I’ll call in here over the week to feed the animals and air the place, warm it. Two other things I’ve drunk all your beer and killed all the chooks, all in one go!! and the fire brigade have not been her regardless of what the mad idiot neighbours mat say. Rubber Duck Captain is doing her job thou I do think she must be nipping off for a dog in Sammy’s room, the door keeps getting left open one minute and closed the next. She does have that funny smile on her face. I checked out the Mon Jong  set, something we two need to do together, over Jasmine and apple blossom tea. My dear heart, tell that lovely boy of yours Hello!, with a hand shake and smile. Of course I will be here when you get home? It will reveal itself. Thank you for your beautiful letter I actually rung the shop to see if it had arrived yesterday and run all the way over to pick it up, lost a couple of pounds doing that! It gladdened my heart to hear from you, and I wait in anticipation of seeing you next, very soon my love.

xxx EJP.

16 June 2020

My Darling

Filed under: Uncategorised — ejpengelly @ 2:32 am

My darling Joseph,
Really its nothing like winter and I’m being brave magnanimous heart.
Today will be another glorious one, its tomorrow and the next I wonder about. I just keep looking
to see that smile of yours and hear your boys laugh to know that all is well with all of us. I didn’t
want to come home yesterday, but what a pleasurable day it unfolding to be.
Late morning, just as I was contemplating what to do next, a message walked through the door
carrying bags of food. I got game and made jam out of the peaches, boiled the shit out of it “just
like you said”. Cousin Alice called next on her way home from work at the radio, and we talked
of whenua and ika (land and fish) maemae and aroha ( the hurting and the love) then old Aunty
Bunny turned up. She of 75 and still rowing her boat. I fixed her sore head and then we made plans to go fruit tree raiding in Ohaeawai tomorrow and write stories on the way. Both doing Pukeko (bird like/ strange) things lately.
Hannah and I wound the day up next door listening to a singer crooning on, did a lot of Dylan types ‘ Shhh..shhh… stuff ‘! You would have really liked him, had the old babes dribbling at the mouth with no’s. like Sweet Jane ect. I was far to cool for that of course. His originals were great, word-wise, poetry. His guitarist, brilliant, especially when he pulled off Hendrix. So well.
And he didn’t need to be wasted on mushrooms like his mate. Maybe 25 people there all 35plus so it was a good evening. The high light was talking to one woman ( at lest mid 50’s) saying “I don’t know why people use words like Dick and Cunt so negatively they’re wonderful things, and if someone says go get fucked. I think great they want me to have a orgasm”!! So cool
right!! Anyway Hannah and I came home about10.30 and listen to the last set tucked up in bed. It always manages to put us to sleep. And yes. I’ve kept Hannah with me, my Honey bee going north to see Yana’s sister Jess and pick up camping gear today bring it back here. Have all good
intention of being at Tae Kwondo tonight. Ouch!! And the lawns grows gloriously well a good half dozen hay bales at least. I tuned the T.V. and video into each other like “Properly” all by myself wow. I felt so onto it when I did that, just don’t ask me how!! Well my most noble soul I will totally avoid a particular set of words here! May you have the energy to live your life to the fullest each day of your adventure the courage to do something
different and new before each sun set and the peace to dream sweet each night.
I love you dear heart and keep things warm for you this way.
EJP. xx xxx

In Love or on the fence?

Filed under: Uncategorised — ejpengelly @ 1:02 am
My darling hearts desire, 
Oh Joseph, how bright you shine in your presence, how like a tui-song (bird sound) your voice is to my ear and hearts warmth glowing, your embrace . I am over come with joy, basking in the sureness of your aroha for me. Drunk enough to buckle me at the knees, some days. Buck naked razor sharp others. A many splendid thing. All day I write lines of love in my head for you, compare all things to you, how shaded they become in comparison, And there is no other place in the world to be here on your veranda blanketed in the after glow of you, listening to your chooks, watching your garden grow, waiting for nothing and no-one, time has escaped me. i feel completely in this world, breathing. The only point of oscillation breathing in and on, limbo and pendulums be damned messages from zee secretary!
 
1.Your German friend, from Whangaroa, with the unspellable name, not to mention his faithless woman who wants to devour you (that is a joke, “Fuk em if they can’t take a joke” and not an emerald jab, me wonders)!! Is having a (bar-b-que?) and you should go after 4pm he didn’t say what time you should leave- today. Message received.
2. The boy finally arrived, not that I was waiting, he rang his mum and owes you a bill off phone.
3. Your best friend rang to say she loves you dearly but your plumbing sucks!! been waiting or a visit from you for a week but you have obviously been other-wise detained ( secretary’s can be a bit) like that- sweaty- removal men hard to catch) Well!! Please can you fix it up!!
 
Orchards are wonderful!
Too great a temptation was this to be forfeited by the height of the climb. Gum boots were sent flying in preference to brave feet and packs stashed beneath the Pohutakawa (type off tree) which over hang the lower ledges. Water bottles glugged heartily in the rhythm to a hip-swing while mouths watered at the thought of fresh fruit juices running from the old orchard. Plums bursting Dracula blood, two-fisted pears that melted like honey-due between teeth and apples to quench a thirst sweet, as well as fill the belly. they run the old horse track around the western slope as fast as could be dared. dust flying, yelps, shoves, tripping and teasing until breathlessly they stood gapping at the slip. It had taken the track with it, leaving cliff and rubble, straight down. They cut away back east, zig zagging upward. No need for dares here, just words of encouragement as they body hugged the perilously steep slope. Hearts pounding, hand and foot falls meticulously placed, inching their way toward heaven. The lower knoll was reached wit sighs and ohh’s and aar’s, shaky knees and dust lined throats. Water replenished thirsts and spirits as they marvelled and laughed at the smallness of the world below them. Brave adventures. (Heaven must be approached in the fullness of the moment with expectation and surprise). The last 5 min meander was just that, up to the higher plateau, thru the grove of Puriri (a type of tree) and straight ahead to the old wooden gateway. They explore into the orchard, gleefully screaming, exorcizing the olds ghosts collected there. Half remembering, half forgetting old placed trees, old friends. Gorging to overfull, cots and hair rearrange, re-dyed, squelch and oooz, monkey swinging revelry, wallowing piglets, until beyond recognition they collapse,
in the sun,
to sleep.
Angels.
 
On walking it would be a bum slide to the bottom, with a leap into the creek to wash what is washable. They will stop to pick blackberries for granny to bake pie, placated the washer-woman aunties and talk of nothing else for days, until the next adventure.
This is in a way of correcting my reaction, but more to acknowledge your courage.
Thank you Joseph for asking me if I’d sex with anyone else in your house. We both know the best way of dispelling fear- front it and you did and I wished my answer had been more deserving of your question and honesty. Well, no I haven’t done that with anyone else, since. Meeting you actually ( and a long time before) let alone in your home and I really wouldn’t need to!! I all of a sudden saw the battle I’d been having with myself Saturday and today. A battle of will, of trust and honesty with about myself with fear concerning you, how I feel about you. My ability to trust the reality of this feeling for you, to know the shape and form and wonder and smell. It is quite real and I am knowing this truly. There’s a sadness which drifts like a falling leaf, detached from its original source, it is the chestnut that surrounds my fear. It irritated me for days that little thing saying and today I know why, It is also true alas! Blaa!! Another of your little gifts slide delicately under my nose and up into my face. Thank you, you are a braver person than I this day my darling, I write you notes as you lay sleeping and leave it for you reading in the dead of the night and yet I have no reason why. I love you Joseph, I am so glad you are home and I pray for the loosening of my fears as quickly as they came so as not to be detached from you from you in heart. ( That was a negative talk term thingy!) Ahh well. We make love together at the end. xxx
 
EJP.