In Love or on the fence?
My darling hearts desire,
Oh Joseph, how bright you shine in your presence, how like a tui-song (bird sound) your voice is to my ear and hearts warmth glowing, your embrace . I am over come with joy, basking in the sureness of your aroha for me. Drunk enough to buckle me at the knees, some days. Buck naked razor sharp others. A many splendid thing. All day I write lines of love in my head for you, compare all things to you, how shaded they become in comparison, And there is no other place in the world to be here on your veranda blanketed in the after glow of you, listening to your chooks, watching your garden grow, waiting for nothing and no-one, time has escaped me. i feel completely in this world, breathing. The only point of oscillation breathing in and on, limbo and pendulums be damned messages from zee secretary!
1.Your German friend, from Whangaroa, with the unspellable name, not to mention his faithless woman who wants to devour you (that is a joke, “Fuk em if they can’t take a joke” and not an emerald jab, me wonders)!! Is having a (bar-b-que?) and you should go after 4pm he didn’t say what time you should leave- today. Message received.
2. The boy finally arrived, not that I was waiting, he rang his mum and owes you a bill off phone.
3. Your best friend rang to say she loves you dearly but your plumbing sucks!! been waiting or a visit from you for a week but you have obviously been other-wise detained ( secretary’s can be a bit) like that- sweaty- removal men hard to catch) Well!! Please can you fix it up!!
Orchards are wonderful!
Too great a temptation was this to be forfeited by the height of the climb. Gum boots were sent flying in preference to brave feet and packs stashed beneath the Pohutakawa (type off tree) which over hang the lower ledges. Water bottles glugged heartily in the rhythm to a hip-swing while mouths watered at the thought of fresh fruit juices running from the old orchard. Plums bursting Dracula blood, two-fisted pears that melted like honey-due between teeth and apples to quench a thirst sweet, as well as fill the belly. they run the old horse track around the western slope as fast as could be dared. dust flying, yelps, shoves, tripping and teasing until breathlessly they stood gapping at the slip. It had taken the track with it, leaving cliff and rubble, straight down. They cut away back east, zig zagging upward. No need for dares here, just words of encouragement as they body hugged the perilously steep slope. Hearts pounding, hand and foot falls meticulously placed, inching their way toward heaven. The lower knoll was reached wit sighs and ohh’s and aar’s, shaky knees and dust lined throats. Water replenished thirsts and spirits as they marvelled and laughed at the smallness of the world below them. Brave adventures. (Heaven must be approached in the fullness of the moment with expectation and surprise). The last 5 min meander was just that, up to the higher plateau, thru the grove of Puriri (a type of tree) and straight ahead to the old wooden gateway. They explore into the orchard, gleefully screaming, exorcizing the olds ghosts collected there. Half remembering, half forgetting old placed trees, old friends. Gorging to overfull, cots and hair rearrange, re-dyed, squelch and oooz, monkey swinging revelry, wallowing piglets, until beyond recognition they collapse,
in the sun,
to sleep.
Angels.
On walking it would be a bum slide to the bottom, with a leap into the creek to wash what is washable. They will stop to pick blackberries for granny to bake pie, placated the washer-woman aunties and talk of nothing else for days, until the next adventure.
This is in a way of correcting my reaction, but more to acknowledge your courage.
Thank you Joseph for asking me if I’d sex with anyone else in your house. We both know the best way of dispelling fear- front it and you did and I wished my answer had been more deserving of your question and honesty. Well, no I haven’t done that with anyone else, since. Meeting you actually ( and a long time before) let alone in your home and I really wouldn’t need to!! I all of a sudden saw the battle I’d been having with myself Saturday and today. A battle of will, of trust and honesty with about myself with fear concerning you, how I feel about you. My ability to trust the reality of this feeling for you, to know the shape and form and wonder and smell. It is quite real and I am knowing this truly. There’s a sadness which drifts like a falling leaf, detached from its original source, it is the chestnut that surrounds my fear. It irritated me for days that little thing saying and today I know why, It is also true alas! Blaa!! Another of your little gifts slide delicately under my nose and up into my face. Thank you, you are a braver person than I this day my darling, I write you notes as you lay sleeping and leave it for you reading in the dead of the night and yet I have no reason why. I love you Joseph, I am so glad you are home and I pray for the loosening of my fears as quickly as they came so as not to be detached from you from you in heart. ( That was a negative talk term thingy!) Ahh well. We make love together at the end. xxx
EJP.